Happy Birthday, Clara Mae!

Dear Clara Mae,

Exactly one week after your due date, at 41 weeks, you were born into this world. We are so pleased you are here.

I started feeling contractions with you at about midnight on July 17, 2017. They were not very consistent until about 3:00am, when I could start timing them. Just like with your older sister, your daddy and I prayed and read scripture through each contraction. But this time was different - I was so tired, felt so unprepared, that Satan kept attacking me and making me doubt not just myself, but the Lord. I struggled all day, to be honest.

Throughout the morning, the contractions got stronger and closer together... until I took a nap. Then they tapered off. So daddy and I hopped in the car and went to get him a coffee. Nothing else to do!

On the way, I felt a contraction and, with nothing to do to get my mind off it, I just felt it. I felt what my body was doing to move you down the birth canal, how it was compressing against itself and you to shift you just a fraction more, just a little bit closer to being here. I started to breathe deeply, thinking the whole time, "Just breathe her down..." That mantra became a large part of the rest of my contractions!

After the coffee run, contractions picked back up again and we were getting so hopeful that you'd be here by mid-morning or mid-afternoon... until I took another nap - I'm telling you, Clara, I was so exhausted. Unfortunately, the nap caused the contractions to taper off AGAIN!

After the nap, I was feeling pretty discouraged. We had already endured about 16 hours of mostly back labor, and still, no baby. I decided to set my mind on the fact that you just weren't going to come today, that the contractions would end altogether.

We finally decided that at 6:00pm, we would just go to the hospital to see if I had made ANY progress at all... but between 5:00pm and 5:30pm, the contractions got so strong and were about 3-5 minutes apart. So we gathered our stuff, kissed Ruthie and Mimi goodbye, and headed out shortly after 5:30pm

Contractions slowed some on the way to the hospital, but we were ushered into triage where they determined me to be about 4.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced. They called Dr. Moss who said to admit me, and we made our way to room 105.

We had two nurses that night: Jan and Charly. And guess what - they were both believers! We got there right at shift change, so Jan took got us settled while we waited for Charly to get there. When Jan walked in the room, I had some Bible verses written on index cards laid out on the bed in front of me. Jan asked, "Are you studying?!" I said, "No... well, sort of!" She saw what I was reading and got so excited. She told us, "That's my world, too!" and went on to explain that her husband is a pastor and Charly's husband is on the worship team at the same church. Then Jan prayed with us - it was so special to know that she (and Charly!) were both believers and would be partnering with us in prayer throughout the labor and delivery.

Within the next couple hours, I progressed to 6 cm and 100% effaced... and was still exhausted, in a lot of pain, and doubting my body's ability to deliver you. Charlie suggested I get in the tub, so they started filling it up. Before I could hop in, Dr. Moss requested that I be hooked up to the monitors for a few minutes. Everything seemed just fine - you were so snug in there! - so after about 30 minutes, I was unhooked and settled in the tub.

The warm water felt so nice, Clara. It helped me relax and gave me and daddy some time to chat and pray through the contractions. Still, through each contraction, we were reading scripture, praying, and I was thinking, "Just breathe her down."

While in the tub, I could feel my body progressing quickly. I had one particularly strong contraction and didn't tell Daddy. Instead, I closed my eyes and repeated over and over in my mind, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast for he trusts in You" (Isaiah 26:3) while breathing deeply. The contraction lasted a couple minutes and, during that time, Charly walked in. When I opened my eyes again, she asked me, "Are you sleeping between contractions?" I told her, "That WAS a contraction." And Clara-bou, you should have seen her face. She was SHOCKED that I was that quiet and still during a contraction, with no pain medicine. She said, "I want to be like you when I grow up!"

Within about 20 minutes if being in the tub, I started feeling the urge to push. I told Charly and she said I'd probably have to get out in about 5 minutes, so that I don't deliver to baby in the water! So shortly after that, I crawled out of the tub and made my way back to the hospital bed.

I climbed in the bed and Dr. Moss came in. Charlie got everything set up for your delivery and Jan was there getting things ready for you. A contraction came and we had the following conversation:
Dr. Moss: "Do you want to push?"
Me: "YES!"
Dr. Moss: "So push!"
Me: "I can't!!"
Charly: "Yes, you can. We'll hold your legs if you'd like and I can count to ten."
Me: "Yes please!!"

So that's what they did. Charly and daddy each held a leg, Charly counted to ten, and I started pushing. I pushed three times and could feel your head crowning!! They commented on all your dark hair and Dr. Moss said, "Wow, she's right there. If you push one more time, she'll be here!" Charly asked if I wanted to feel your head and I said no - I was in the zone and didn't want to lose focus! The next contraction came, and you better believe I pushed with all my might!

Five pushes during that contraction and I felt your body slide from mine as you came into this world on July 17, 2017 at 10:49pm.

Immediately I started saying, "Oh, my baby! She's here!" Jan wiped you off real quick and they handed you right up to me. As soon as your umbilical cord stopped pulsing, daddy cut it. And I just kept exclaiming over how you were here and beautiful and your skin was perfectly colored and your hair was so dark and long and you were here!!

23 hours of labor, five minutes of pushing, countless Bible verses and prayer moments... and you were here. Finally on the outside. Safe and secure in my arms and, within minutes, nursing like a champion.

They finally got my placenta out and saw that your umbilical cord was attached to the side of it, rather than in the middle like is normal. No big deal, just made it more difficult for my body to expel. I didn't care. You were here!

After about an hour, they came back to weigh and measure you. At 20.5 inches long and 8 lbs even, you were the perfect size for a week-late baby. They cuddled you up in your blanket and daddy held you while I hopped in the shower.

It felt so nice to clean myself up and that long labor and short delivery! I put on those great granny-panties the hospital provides, along with all the accouterments that go along with post-delivery recovery. I tied on a fresh hospital gown and crawled into bed. Daddy and I spent the next couple hours staring at your perfect face, texting family members, and savoring our first moments with you.

Oh Clara Mae, we love you a million times over already. You are a light - I know the hospital staff saw the difference in our lives as we brought you into the world. And we pray, girly, that you will continue to be a light.

Love love love,
Mama

41 Weeks

Dear Baby Batts #2,

41 weeks today and you are cozy as can be. You're moving a little bit less during the day (less room, I suppose!) but still get really wiggly in the evenings. I've had a cold, and didn't want to field everyone's questions, so we stayed home from church yesterday.

I had some small contractions throughout the day, but nothing big... but maybe today will be the day!

Come on, little girl! We are ready!

Love,
Mama

40 Weeks, 4 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Weak. That's how I feel right now.

I've been cramping for over two weeks and finally felt a few contractions last night, but nothing big or consistent. They've now tapered off completely and we're back to square one.

I trust that the Lord has a plan, but Clara, I can't see it and that's so frustrating.

I was reading in 2 Samuel this morning and got to 7:28-29. It says, "O Sovereign Lord, You are God! Your words are trustworthy, and You have promised these good things to Your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue forever in Your sight; for You, O Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with Your blessing the house of Your servant will be blessed forever."

So what words of God's are trustworthy?

• Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be."
• Isaiah 43:1 "But now, this is what the Lord says - He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine."
• Jeremiah 9:23-24 "This is what the Lord says, 'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he undertones and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight.'"
• Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
• Isaiah 55:8- "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
• Mark 5:36 "Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe.'"
• Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Lord, I choose to trust You. In these last days of Clara's pregnancy, I choose to trust in Your words. 

Love,

Mama

40 Weeks, 3 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

More cramping, plus I lost my mucous plug this morning (TMI?).

Mimi, Ruth, and I went shopping in Anchorage. Mimi bought you lots of cute things for your baby shower (on July 23rd - you better be here before then!!). We ate lunch at Olive Garden, drove home, and relaxed some.

I took a bath this evening and loved feeling you wiggling around in my tummy in the warm water.

But really, little miss, I'd love to feel you wiggling around on the outside even more!

Love,
Mama

40 Weeks, 2 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

Doctor's appointment today. We had an ultrasound to check fluid levels (and got to see your leg bone! ha) which were fine, listened to your heartbeat (a steady 145-150ish), measured you (smaller than usual - are you scrunched down in mommy's tummy?), and discussed ways to get you to come. Dr. Moss stripped half my membranes, so we'll see if that works.

I'm about 50% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated. I guess all that cramping has been doing SOMETHING down there, preparing for you to come.

Sweet girl, we are all so excited to see you...

Dr. Moss is on call on Friday (the 14th) and Saturday (the 15th) so we are hoping you come one of those days so she can deliver you! How does that sound? Good plan? Yeah!

Love,
Mama

40 Weeks, 1 Day

Dear Baby Batts #2,

In hopes of getting things moving, we went up to Hatchers Pass today and hiked to Independence Mine. We walked a couple miles, I felt some cramping and backache, but no contractions.

It was foggy up there, and so beautiful. Daddy and I had our first date snowshoeing up there in 2012, then we got engaged there in 2013! We even took wedding photos there in 2014 (not at the mine, but up in the mountains). Hatcher's Pass is a special place to us.

It was fun having Ruth there, running around in her "duckas" (her duck rain boots), Mimi in her hiking boots, and you in my tummy! We saw other families with kids (and babies in carriers) and it made me excited for when you can adventure on the outside with us.

Hopefully we'll see you soon, little girl... until then, stay cozy, I guess!

Love you lots,
Mama

40 Weeks

Dear Baby Batts #2,

You are full term! You can (and should) come any time, sweet girl! You're probably about 7 and a half pounds and 20 inches long. I bet you'll be bigger than Ruthie. All systems are "go" for you to make your appearance.

I was thinking the other day about how doctor's don't even know what really causes labor to start. They think there are some molecules you release from your lungs that start it, but I don't think they know all the steps that occur in initiating labor. Why do some women start labor early and some later?

The Lord knows.

I'm trying to trust Him, but I really thought you'd be here earlier than this. I started maternity leave (officially) today, and you aren't here... having a couple days to relax before your big arrival will be nice, but I hope you don't wait inside for too long, Clara. I want to enjoy my days WITH YOU!

Love,
Mama

39 Weeks, 5 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

We went to the Saturday Market in Anchorage today! It was cloudy and chilly, but we had a lot of fun walking around, seeing fun things for sale, and popping into some local crafty stores.

In fact, I bought the yarn to make your Christmas stocking today! I'm hoping to get it done this week, before you come. It's a beautiful deep red and a variegated green that I absolutely LOVE. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

Hopefully tomorrow is our last Sunday with you in my tummy rather than my arms... but we'll see!

Love you to the moon and back,
Mama

39 Weeks, 3 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

I've had cramping ever since last night... especially when I walk or stand up or roll over in bed. My back is hurting some too, mostly on my right side. Hopefully it's a sign things are moving!

Love,
Mama

39 Weeks, 2 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

Well... I guess we made a little progress. I'm still not dilated at all, but my cerivix has thinned a lot and is soft. So that's a step in the right direction, at least. Dr. Moss said she can feel your head, through my cervix, which means you are in position and ready to go... when the time comes. At my appointment next week, we'll make sure there's enough fluid around you still. And then at my 31-week appointment, we'll discuss inducing, if necessary.

However, I've had lots of cramping the last few hours, which is normal after a cervical check. But hopefully it also means I'm dilating.

Daddy and I decided to go on a date tomorrow night, since Mimi is here to watch Ruth. We are so excited! I'm not sure what we'll do, but I'm just glad we get to do it together.

We praise the Lord that He has great plans for your life, Clara. And we can't wait to see how He uses you.

Love,
Mama

39 Weeks, 1 Day

Dear Baby Batts #2,

Happy Independence Day, Clara-bou! We are so thankful to live in the United States of America, where we experience freedom that others do not... but we are even more thankful for the freedom we have in Christ.

We had planned on going to the Wasilla parade today, but Ruth fell asleep in the car on the way there! So we kept driving north, all the way up to Talkeetna. You liked to jump up and down in my tummy on the way, making me feel like I had to go to the bathroom constantly! We made it without incident, ate lunch, then drove downtown to walk around some.

It was a BEAUTIFUL day! We looked in stores, meandered through town, and just enjoyed all the festivities. We were only there for a couple hours before heading back home, but they were so relaxing.

We made some brats, salad, and baked beans for dinner. And after eating, it was time to put Ruth to bed and just relax...so I took a bath! You and I just relaxed in the warm water and read a book. We soaked for almost two hours! It was so nice.

Tomorrow is your 39 week checkup. I'm hoping we've made some progress since last week, but I guess we'll see.

I love you... see you soon!

Love,
Mama

39 Weeks

Dear Baby Batts #2,

39 weeks! You are technically due in one week, but could make your appearance at any time. And we. can't. wait.

This week, your outer layer of skin is shedding and new skin is emerging. This may make it look like you have some dry skin, but it's really just the newness of life showing! Your little lungs are fully mature and ready for some loud screaming after you're born and thrust into our bright, cold world. Oh, I can't wait to hear those cries! You are about the size of a watermelon at 20 inches long and likely 7 or 8 pounds.

I'm trying to get rest (not as much as daddy thinks I should be!) but I could NOT sleep last night. If it happens again tonight, I'm just going to get up and read or sew or crochet. Laying in bed wide awake was no fun!

I have another doctor's appointment on July 5th (if you don't come before then). I ate that whole pineapple this weekend and am now praying that labor starts today so that I can deliver you tomorrow (the 4th). Mimi flies in tonight and daddy and I were talking about how cool it would be if all our kids are born on the fourth day of the month.

But still, not much progress, it seems. So we will keep waiting and praying and anticipating your arrival.

We love you, Clara-bou. See you soon!

Love,
Mama

38 Weeks, 6 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

We officially have a date for your baby shower! Gma Linda wants to throw you one after you are born, while Mimi is still here. So we are planning one for Sunday, July 23rd. Hip Hip Hooray!

Yesterday, we were at Target buying some things and I told daddy, "We haven't gotten Clara hardly anything NEW!" I mean, we have - you have some new clothes to wear - but most of your things will be hand-me-downs from Ruth. I feel bad about that, but I know that as you grow and develop into your own personality, you'll have LOTS of your own things, too.

A nice coworker gave you a sweet linen blanket that says, "I am the Light of the World" from John 8:12. It's sitting in your cradle right now (along with our hospital bag!) so that we can snuggle you up in it when the time comes.

And I made you a ring sling - I'm excited to try it with you! And I did make you a blanket. This week, I also painted your letters purple for your room. I hung them on your wall today, and daddy hung the mirror, so your room is officially as ready as it can be! Mimi and Papa will sleep in there while they are up visiting, but eventually it will be yours. And then it will probably be a playroom for you and Ruth.

Sweet girl, tomorrow you are 39 weeks. Where has the time gone?!

Love,
Mama

38 Weeks, 5 Days

Dear Baby Batts #2,

This could be our last weekend with you on the inside! I'm trying to be in the mindset for you to be late, like Ruth was, so that I don't get antsy and frustrated... but we are ready for you to come!

We went grocery shopping this morning and bought a pineapple. My plan is to eat it this weekend and see if it starts to kick off labor! It worked with Ruth... but she was also 9 days late when we tried it! You are technically not late yet.

We spent some time playing outside today and I got to read in the hammock. It was nice... except for when I tried to get up and almost couldn't! I was stuck, like a turtle on its back, unable to get the momentum for my upward swing. I'm glad no one was outside to witness it!

Pastor Tom is coming over tonight to talk about some things with daddy and me. I'm so thankful for godly counsel.

And we are so thankful for YOU! Come soon, little one.

Love,
Mama