My dear boy,
I did not write you as many letter during your pregnancy... and, in fact, none of them are online. I may go back at some point and fill in the gaps, but I want to tell you about your labor and delivery first, before the memories become to fuzzy and hazy in this newborn stage.
As my third baby, everyone told me, "Labor will be so much faster this time!" I did everything I could to ensure you were in the best position, that my cervix was soft and ready, etc. I ate dates. I ate pineapple. I drank raspberry leaf tea. I rested on my hands and knees, belly down, so you would turn. I did it all.
And yet, labor still didn't start until I was 6 days past my due date.
At about 4:00pm on Thursday, January 24th, contractions started. They were regular... and they were all in my back. Again. I labored through dinner, through the night. They got stronger but were manageable. Daddy had the stack of index cards I'd written out for such a time as this and he faithfully read them and prayed with me through each contraction. (My favorite card? "It feels good to be a gangster.")
I called my midwife at about 3:00am to tell her what was going on and that, Lord willing, we would head in soon! "Maybe you'd be here before noon!" we thought. And then contractions tapered off.
They picked up steam again mid-morning, though! "This is it, we thought! By early afternoon, surely, you'll be here!" And then they stopped again.
At about 4:00pm, with you still not here, we decided to go to the midwife just to see if we'd made any progress. At my last check, I had been about 2cm dilated... but with all that work, surely I was at least 6cm, right?! I waddled into the midwife, where they hooked me up to some monitors to check your heartrate during contractions. Everything was great, except for the back labor being so painful. And when they checked, I was at 4cm.
4 cm, after 24 hours of labor. Not encouraging.
They sent me and daddy home, where I decided to take a bath. I rested in the tub some, letting the warm water sink into my muscles.
And when I got out, things came on fast and furious! Daddy was making dinner, but I just could. not. leave our room. I put on some clothes, stopping often to work through a contraction. Mimi came into our room while daddy cooked and rubbed my back or squeezed my hips while I swayed on my big exercise ball. The movement felt good, but I knew things were getting more and more intense.
And I knew there was no way I could eat dinner with everyone else.
Daddy and Mimi got Ruth and Clara into bed, then at about 8:00pm, I told daddy to call the midwife. She agreed to meet us at the birth center at 8:30pm, so we got all our things together pretty quickly. We arrived later than anticipated - I kept having to stop what I was doing for contractions! But finally, around 8:50pm, we showed up.
It was a beautiful, cool, January evening, with a fresh layer of snow outside.
I went right up to a birth room - the green one that daddy liked best - and stripped so they could check my dilation. I at 8cm, but you were still not in a great position.
The midwives had me lean over a birth ball on my knees so you would, hopefully turn, and I stayed like that for about an hour while daddy read index cards and prayed for me.
Then I asked if I could get in the shower. I put on my bikini top and got into the warm water where you FINALLY flipped around. After just 20 minutes or so, I told daddy I felt like I'd have to push soon and could he please tell the midwives?
The midwives started filling the birth tub with water while I dried off and climbed into the bed. They wanted to check my progress. I was pleased to hear that I was fully dilated, but still had some thinning to do. And my water still hadn't broken! They asked if I wanted them to break it and I said yes, so they tried... and tried... and tried! They said the membranes were really thick and it took about 10 minutes before they were able to get a hole in it. When my water broke, I was so relieved that there was no meconium!
Finally, I could climb into the tub. The hot water was a welcome relief. I sat on my knees and when a contraction hit, I told daddy, "This is going to be a big one!" I moaned and breathed through each contraction, willing myself to relax, while daddy continued to read the cards and pray.
And then, all of a sudden, I had to push. And after a couple pushes, your head was right there, crowning, but not out yet.
The midwives told me to sit back on my bottom, knees up, so I could push better. On the next push, your head was out, and your whole, perfect body slipped out with the next contraction and pushes.
At 10:55pm on Friday, January 25th, 2019 (your late Grandma Brenda's birthday) after 30 hours of labor and 7 minutes of pushing, you entered life on the outside, in a tub of warm water, in a quiet and calm room, as the moon and stars danced outside.
And then that quiet and calm was shattered.
As I held you in the tub, you would not stop crying. Your head was arched back and you could not calm down. With help, we moved to the bed where I was examined (no tearing!) and tried to encourage you to nurse, but you didn't even want to root around, much less suckle. The midwives examined you - a 9 on your APGAR - and noticed that your spine seemed out of alignment, especially near your sacrum. And still you cried. Nothing would calm you.
Finally, they grabbed some frankincense essential oils and rubbed it down your back. That helped long relax your "little" body (9lbs, 4 oz and 21 inches long!) and finally, you latched on for nursing. We were encouraged to see a chiropractor for your back, so an appointment was made for that day at 6:00pm.
By about 2:00am, I had showered and changed into a robe, daddy was snuggling you next to me in bed, and we were snacking on some foods we'd brought from home. We slept until about 6:00am, when we loaded everything back into the Jeep and drove home, stopping for coffee and McDonald's breakfast on the way.
Hudson James, named for the missionary Hudson Taylor and the Biblical book of James, you came in like a storm. Your birth kicked off an anxious two months as we tried to balance doctors appointments, post-partum infections, breastfeeding struggles, and illness. But your birth brought such joy to our hearts.
Our sweet Hudson - the biggest of all three babies, the longest of all three labors... the Lord has big plans for you, and I'm so thankful to be the mama helping guide you in those plans.
Love love love,
Mama
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Monday, July 17, 2017
Happy Birthday, Clara Mae!
Dear Clara Mae,
Exactly one week after your due date, at 41 weeks, you were born into this world. We are so pleased you are here.
I started feeling contractions with you at about midnight on July 17, 2017. They were not very consistent until about 3:00am, when I could start timing them. Just like with your older sister, your daddy and I prayed and read scripture through each contraction. But this time was different - I was so tired, felt so unprepared, that Satan kept attacking me and making me doubt not just myself, but the Lord. I struggled all day, to be honest.
Throughout the morning, the contractions got stronger and closer together... until I took a nap. Then they tapered off. So daddy and I hopped in the car and went to get him a coffee. Nothing else to do!
On the way, I felt a contraction and, with nothing to do to get my mind off it, I just felt it. I felt what my body was doing to move you down the birth canal, how it was compressing against itself and you to shift you just a fraction more, just a little bit closer to being here. I started to breathe deeply, thinking the whole time, "Just breathe her down..." That mantra became a large part of the rest of my contractions!
After the coffee run, contractions picked back up again and we were getting so hopeful that you'd be here by mid-morning or mid-afternoon... until I took another nap - I'm telling you, Clara, I was so exhausted. Unfortunately, the nap caused the contractions to taper off AGAIN!
After the nap, I was feeling pretty discouraged. We had already endured about 16 hours of mostly back labor, and still, no baby. I decided to set my mind on the fact that you just weren't going to come today, that the contractions would end altogether.
We finally decided that at 6:00pm, we would just go to the hospital to see if I had made ANY progress at all... but between 5:00pm and 5:30pm, the contractions got so strong and were about 3-5 minutes apart. So we gathered our stuff, kissed Ruthie and Mimi goodbye, and headed out shortly after 5:30pm
Contractions slowed some on the way to the hospital, but we were ushered into triage where they determined me to be about 4.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced. They called Dr. Moss who said to admit me, and we made our way to room 105.
We had two nurses that night: Jan and Charly. And guess what - they were both believers! We got there right at shift change, so Jan took got us settled while we waited for Charly to get there. When Jan walked in the room, I had some Bible verses written on index cards laid out on the bed in front of me. Jan asked, "Are you studying?!" I said, "No... well, sort of!" She saw what I was reading and got so excited. She told us, "That's my world, too!" and went on to explain that her husband is a pastor and Charly's husband is on the worship team at the same church. Then Jan prayed with us - it was so special to know that she (and Charly!) were both believers and would be partnering with us in prayer throughout the labor and delivery.
Within the next couple hours, I progressed to 6 cm and 100% effaced... and was still exhausted, in a lot of pain, and doubting my body's ability to deliver you. Charlie suggested I get in the tub, so they started filling it up. Before I could hop in, Dr. Moss requested that I be hooked up to the monitors for a few minutes. Everything seemed just fine - you were so snug in there! - so after about 30 minutes, I was unhooked and settled in the tub.
The warm water felt so nice, Clara. It helped me relax and gave me and daddy some time to chat and pray through the contractions. Still, through each contraction, we were reading scripture, praying, and I was thinking, "Just breathe her down."
While in the tub, I could feel my body progressing quickly. I had one particularly strong contraction and didn't tell Daddy. Instead, I closed my eyes and repeated over and over in my mind, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast for he trusts in You" (Isaiah 26:3) while breathing deeply. The contraction lasted a couple minutes and, during that time, Charly walked in. When I opened my eyes again, she asked me, "Are you sleeping between contractions?" I told her, "That WAS a contraction." And Clara-bou, you should have seen her face. She was SHOCKED that I was that quiet and still during a contraction, with no pain medicine. She said, "I want to be like you when I grow up!"
Within about 20 minutes if being in the tub, I started feeling the urge to push. I told Charly and she said I'd probably have to get out in about 5 minutes, so that I don't deliver to baby in the water! So shortly after that, I crawled out of the tub and made my way back to the hospital bed.
I climbed in the bed and Dr. Moss came in. Charlie got everything set up for your delivery and Jan was there getting things ready for you. A contraction came and we had the following conversation:
Dr. Moss: "Do you want to push?"
Me: "YES!"
Dr. Moss: "So push!"
Me: "I can't!!"
Charly: "Yes, you can. We'll hold your legs if you'd like and I can count to ten."
Me: "Yes please!!"
So that's what they did. Charly and daddy each held a leg, Charly counted to ten, and I started pushing. I pushed three times and could feel your head crowning!! They commented on all your dark hair and Dr. Moss said, "Wow, she's right there. If you push one more time, she'll be here!" Charly asked if I wanted to feel your head and I said no - I was in the zone and didn't want to lose focus! The next contraction came, and you better believe I pushed with all my might!
Five pushes during that contraction and I felt your body slide from mine as you came into this world on July 17, 2017 at 10:49pm.
Immediately I started saying, "Oh, my baby! She's here!" Jan wiped you off real quick and they handed you right up to me. As soon as your umbilical cord stopped pulsing, daddy cut it. And I just kept exclaiming over how you were here and beautiful and your skin was perfectly colored and your hair was so dark and long and you were here!!
23 hours of labor, five minutes of pushing, countless Bible verses and prayer moments... and you were here. Finally on the outside. Safe and secure in my arms and, within minutes, nursing like a champion.
They finally got my placenta out and saw that your umbilical cord was attached to the side of it, rather than in the middle like is normal. No big deal, just made it more difficult for my body to expel. I didn't care. You were here!
After about an hour, they came back to weigh and measure you. At 20.5 inches long and 8 lbs even, you were the perfect size for a week-late baby. They cuddled you up in your blanket and daddy held you while I hopped in the shower.
It felt so nice to clean myself up and that long labor and short delivery! I put on those great granny-panties the hospital provides, along with all the accouterments that go along with post-delivery recovery. I tied on a fresh hospital gown and crawled into bed. Daddy and I spent the next couple hours staring at your perfect face, texting family members, and savoring our first moments with you.
Oh Clara Mae, we love you a million times over already. You are a light - I know the hospital staff saw the difference in our lives as we brought you into the world. And we pray, girly, that you will continue to be a light.
Love love love,
Mama
Exactly one week after your due date, at 41 weeks, you were born into this world. We are so pleased you are here.
I started feeling contractions with you at about midnight on July 17, 2017. They were not very consistent until about 3:00am, when I could start timing them. Just like with your older sister, your daddy and I prayed and read scripture through each contraction. But this time was different - I was so tired, felt so unprepared, that Satan kept attacking me and making me doubt not just myself, but the Lord. I struggled all day, to be honest.
Throughout the morning, the contractions got stronger and closer together... until I took a nap. Then they tapered off. So daddy and I hopped in the car and went to get him a coffee. Nothing else to do!
On the way, I felt a contraction and, with nothing to do to get my mind off it, I just felt it. I felt what my body was doing to move you down the birth canal, how it was compressing against itself and you to shift you just a fraction more, just a little bit closer to being here. I started to breathe deeply, thinking the whole time, "Just breathe her down..." That mantra became a large part of the rest of my contractions!
After the coffee run, contractions picked back up again and we were getting so hopeful that you'd be here by mid-morning or mid-afternoon... until I took another nap - I'm telling you, Clara, I was so exhausted. Unfortunately, the nap caused the contractions to taper off AGAIN!
After the nap, I was feeling pretty discouraged. We had already endured about 16 hours of mostly back labor, and still, no baby. I decided to set my mind on the fact that you just weren't going to come today, that the contractions would end altogether.
We finally decided that at 6:00pm, we would just go to the hospital to see if I had made ANY progress at all... but between 5:00pm and 5:30pm, the contractions got so strong and were about 3-5 minutes apart. So we gathered our stuff, kissed Ruthie and Mimi goodbye, and headed out shortly after 5:30pm
Contractions slowed some on the way to the hospital, but we were ushered into triage where they determined me to be about 4.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced. They called Dr. Moss who said to admit me, and we made our way to room 105.
We had two nurses that night: Jan and Charly. And guess what - they were both believers! We got there right at shift change, so Jan took got us settled while we waited for Charly to get there. When Jan walked in the room, I had some Bible verses written on index cards laid out on the bed in front of me. Jan asked, "Are you studying?!" I said, "No... well, sort of!" She saw what I was reading and got so excited. She told us, "That's my world, too!" and went on to explain that her husband is a pastor and Charly's husband is on the worship team at the same church. Then Jan prayed with us - it was so special to know that she (and Charly!) were both believers and would be partnering with us in prayer throughout the labor and delivery.
Within the next couple hours, I progressed to 6 cm and 100% effaced... and was still exhausted, in a lot of pain, and doubting my body's ability to deliver you. Charlie suggested I get in the tub, so they started filling it up. Before I could hop in, Dr. Moss requested that I be hooked up to the monitors for a few minutes. Everything seemed just fine - you were so snug in there! - so after about 30 minutes, I was unhooked and settled in the tub.
The warm water felt so nice, Clara. It helped me relax and gave me and daddy some time to chat and pray through the contractions. Still, through each contraction, we were reading scripture, praying, and I was thinking, "Just breathe her down."
While in the tub, I could feel my body progressing quickly. I had one particularly strong contraction and didn't tell Daddy. Instead, I closed my eyes and repeated over and over in my mind, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast for he trusts in You" (Isaiah 26:3) while breathing deeply. The contraction lasted a couple minutes and, during that time, Charly walked in. When I opened my eyes again, she asked me, "Are you sleeping between contractions?" I told her, "That WAS a contraction." And Clara-bou, you should have seen her face. She was SHOCKED that I was that quiet and still during a contraction, with no pain medicine. She said, "I want to be like you when I grow up!"
Within about 20 minutes if being in the tub, I started feeling the urge to push. I told Charly and she said I'd probably have to get out in about 5 minutes, so that I don't deliver to baby in the water! So shortly after that, I crawled out of the tub and made my way back to the hospital bed.
I climbed in the bed and Dr. Moss came in. Charlie got everything set up for your delivery and Jan was there getting things ready for you. A contraction came and we had the following conversation:
Dr. Moss: "Do you want to push?"
Me: "YES!"
Dr. Moss: "So push!"
Me: "I can't!!"
Charly: "Yes, you can. We'll hold your legs if you'd like and I can count to ten."
Me: "Yes please!!"
So that's what they did. Charly and daddy each held a leg, Charly counted to ten, and I started pushing. I pushed three times and could feel your head crowning!! They commented on all your dark hair and Dr. Moss said, "Wow, she's right there. If you push one more time, she'll be here!" Charly asked if I wanted to feel your head and I said no - I was in the zone and didn't want to lose focus! The next contraction came, and you better believe I pushed with all my might!
Five pushes during that contraction and I felt your body slide from mine as you came into this world on July 17, 2017 at 10:49pm.
Immediately I started saying, "Oh, my baby! She's here!" Jan wiped you off real quick and they handed you right up to me. As soon as your umbilical cord stopped pulsing, daddy cut it. And I just kept exclaiming over how you were here and beautiful and your skin was perfectly colored and your hair was so dark and long and you were here!!
23 hours of labor, five minutes of pushing, countless Bible verses and prayer moments... and you were here. Finally on the outside. Safe and secure in my arms and, within minutes, nursing like a champion.
They finally got my placenta out and saw that your umbilical cord was attached to the side of it, rather than in the middle like is normal. No big deal, just made it more difficult for my body to expel. I didn't care. You were here!
After about an hour, they came back to weigh and measure you. At 20.5 inches long and 8 lbs even, you were the perfect size for a week-late baby. They cuddled you up in your blanket and daddy held you while I hopped in the shower.
It felt so nice to clean myself up and that long labor and short delivery! I put on those great granny-panties the hospital provides, along with all the accouterments that go along with post-delivery recovery. I tied on a fresh hospital gown and crawled into bed. Daddy and I spent the next couple hours staring at your perfect face, texting family members, and savoring our first moments with you.
Oh Clara Mae, we love you a million times over already. You are a light - I know the hospital staff saw the difference in our lives as we brought you into the world. And we pray, girly, that you will continue to be a light.
Love love love,
Mama
41 Weeks
Dear Baby Batts #2,
41 weeks today and you are cozy as can be. You're moving a little bit less during the day (less room, I suppose!) but still get really wiggly in the evenings. I've had a cold, and didn't want to field everyone's questions, so we stayed home from church yesterday.
I had some small contractions throughout the day, but nothing big... but maybe today will be the day!
Come on, little girl! We are ready!
Love,
Mama
41 weeks today and you are cozy as can be. You're moving a little bit less during the day (less room, I suppose!) but still get really wiggly in the evenings. I've had a cold, and didn't want to field everyone's questions, so we stayed home from church yesterday.
I had some small contractions throughout the day, but nothing big... but maybe today will be the day!
Come on, little girl! We are ready!
Love,
Mama
Friday, July 14, 2017
40 Weeks, 4 Days
Dear Baby Batts #2,
Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Weak. That's how I feel right now.
I've been cramping for over two weeks and finally felt a few contractions last night, but nothing big or consistent. They've now tapered off completely and we're back to square one.
I trust that the Lord has a plan, but Clara, I can't see it and that's so frustrating.
I was reading in 2 Samuel this morning and got to 7:28-29. It says, "O Sovereign Lord, You are God! Your words are trustworthy, and You have promised these good things to Your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue forever in Your sight; for You, O Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with Your blessing the house of Your servant will be blessed forever."
So what words of God's are trustworthy?
Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Weak. That's how I feel right now.
I've been cramping for over two weeks and finally felt a few contractions last night, but nothing big or consistent. They've now tapered off completely and we're back to square one.
I trust that the Lord has a plan, but Clara, I can't see it and that's so frustrating.
I was reading in 2 Samuel this morning and got to 7:28-29. It says, "O Sovereign Lord, You are God! Your words are trustworthy, and You have promised these good things to Your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue forever in Your sight; for You, O Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with Your blessing the house of Your servant will be blessed forever."
So what words of God's are trustworthy?
- Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be."
- Isaiah 43:1 "But now, this is what the Lord says - He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine."
- Jeremiah 9:23-24 "This is what the Lord says, 'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he undertones and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight.'"
- Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
- Isaiah 55:8- "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
- Mark 5:36 "Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe.'"
- Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."
Lord, I choose to trust You. In these last days of Clara's pregnancy, I choose to trust in Your words.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, July 13, 2017
40 Weeks, 3 Days
Dear Baby Batts #2,
More cramping, plus I lost my mucous plug this morning (TMI?).
Mimi, Ruth, and I went shopping in Anchorage. Mimi bought you lots of cute things for your baby shower (on July 23rd - you better be here before then!!). We ate lunch at Olive Garden, drove home, and relaxed some.
I took a bath this evening and loved feeling you wiggling around in my tummy in the warm water.
But really, little miss, I'd love to feel you wiggling around on the outside even more!
Love,
Mama
More cramping, plus I lost my mucous plug this morning (TMI?).
Mimi, Ruth, and I went shopping in Anchorage. Mimi bought you lots of cute things for your baby shower (on July 23rd - you better be here before then!!). We ate lunch at Olive Garden, drove home, and relaxed some.
I took a bath this evening and loved feeling you wiggling around in my tummy in the warm water.
But really, little miss, I'd love to feel you wiggling around on the outside even more!
Love,
Mama
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